


Happines

by catalyst_control



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Blangst, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24294307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalyst_control/pseuds/catalyst_control
Summary: Blaine no longer feels happiness
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Kudos: 24





	Happines

"Do you love him?" The usually snarky man asked. He'd asked it many times before, he knew the true answer but would keep asking in order to force it out of the other. Usually the receiving end of the question knew the answer. He would answer in a matter of seconds, knowing immediately that it wouldn't be believable if he didn't. 

But now. Now he didn't know how to answer. He could continue the lie he had led up to this point, or he could give in. He could let go of the easy way out and tell the truth. Everything he had said up to the point could be forgotten and the world would know his true feelings. The other already knew the answer, that's how they got in this position. 

Yet, he didn't know if he was ready for everyone to know. He would be shunned. Everyone he had ever met was because of Kurt. All of his friends were also Kurt's friends, so if he gave up now, there would be no end of terror. No end of hate. The only way he'd ever be able to escape would be moving across the world. 

This fear had been what would always stop him. He could go to tell the truth, but would stop knowing the consequences of telling the truth. Lying was safer. Lying was the safety net that had held him up for ten years. He could rely on lying, he was good at it now. He had lied even before Kurt. He lied to his parents, for longer than he would care to admit, about his sexuality. He acted straight just to be on his parents good side, afraid of what would be in his future if he slipped. 

Which was exactly what he was doing now. Hiding because he was afraid, terrified of what lies beyond the wall of lies he had built. He was a coward. He was so much of a damn coward that he just kept hiding. He never took any risks, he just stood in the same position, forcing himself to believe his lies. Sometimes he did. Sometimes he told such good lies that he himself believed them. 

But Sebastian knew the truth however. He told Sebastian everything. After a hard day he would text Sebastian and tell him to meet him at their spot. Their spot was his safe place. The place where he knew that the world couldn't touch him. Where he could spill all the lies and the truth behind each and every one of them. The best part was that Sebastian was there. He could just sit beside the taller boy, just wishing something could happen. 

He wished he could be so much more than just friends to Sebastian. He wish he had the strength to say fuck it and tell Kurt everything. Every lie he had ever told, the truth flowing out into the world. But the consequences. Those damn consequences. If he could just move his mind past the possibility of what could happen, maybe he'd be happy. 

Because he knows his happiness lies with Sebastian. It doesn't lie with Kurt. It hadn't been with Kurt for almost nine years. It hadn't been since the moment he met Sebastian. Sebastian made him happy. Even after the whole slushie incident, he was still happy with Sebastian. Sebastian was a breath of fresh air to flush out the same air he had been breathing with Kurt. 

The curly haired man turned away from Sebastian, his elbows placed on the edge of the building. He looked out into the bustling of New York City below them. The night sky was illuminated by the lights of the city. This place he had called home for six years, the place he thought he belonged. This place that no longer sparked joy. He didn't feel like this place was home. Because it wasn't. He knew it wasn't. He never had the longing for New York that Kurt had. He was comfortable with Lima. He wanted to be back in Lima.

He just wanted to grab Sebastian's hand and tell him to go back to Lima with him. But that would never work. Because he had a life here in New York that he couldn't abandon. He had his dream job here. He loved teng aching his kids. He loved the way their faces lit up with pure joy when they heard a song for the first time. He couldn’t just abandon them.

But he couldn’t keep this up anymore. The constant lying, the emptiness he felt when he was near Kurt, the wishing he had done. The wishing that one day he would wake up and instead of Kurt wrapped around him, Sebastian’s warm body was pressed close to his. He would feel safe again. He’d feel comfortable. He would be happy.

A tear slipped down Blaine’s cheek. The cold night air of New York made it cold as it slipped down. He made no effort to wipe it off. He just closed his eyes and felt the wind brush past him. He silently prayed that the wind would just carry him off into the night. He opened his hazel eyes and another tear slipped. He turned his head and looked at Sebastian. He could make out every feature of the man’s face. 

The man’s green eyes that carried him to a far away place every time he looked into them. A place with just them. The caring in his eyes were beyond any Blaine had ever seen.Every inch of the man was filled with care for the shorter boy. Sebastian’s lips that hid away the perfect showman smile. The smile that would shine through the dark. That smile that would lift him up when he fell.

Every feature that Blaine had grown to love, every feature that Blaine couldn’t love. Because he knew. He knew that if he truly started to open himself up to Sebastian, if he let himself love Sebastian, he wouldn't be able to keep this up. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. He didn’t know what he should do. Should he keep up his usual ‘of course, Kurt is my soulmate’ or should he finally open up. He could. He could say no and everything could fall into place. He’d tell Kurt, He’d finally leave Kurt, and he could move on and have a happy life with Sebastian. That’s all he wanted, Happiness. He knew Sebastian would go out of his way to make sure Blaine was happy.

But he couldn’t say either of those things. He couldn’t lie and say yes, but he couldn’t tell the truth. So he forced out the next best answer. As hazel met green he sighed.

“I have to, don’t I?”


End file.
